Typically a couple weeks prior to me coming home to visit my folks in Vietnam, I would feel the excitement of seeing them again. This is the first time in ten years , I feel more reluctant to leave this home in the U.S. My heart is equally divided into two countries. I felt this way about ten years ago when I left here to go back to visit my folks in VN for the first time without my children when they were around 10 and 15. I was so sad and felt guilty of leaving them. My punishment was not enjoying myself without the children by staying home almost the entire trip. Last year Baby Jayden was crying for missing me. He didn’t understand why I was gone so long. I still remember when I arrived home in the U.S. and went upstairs to find him. As I was walking up, he came down crying for his mom. When he saw me he was surprised and stopped crying. I just held him tight and never wanted to let go. We are so close and bonded so tight. It hurt me now again for leaving him. I told him earlier this evening that I am going away for a while and will be back. He looked at me without saying anything. I don't think he can comprehend it until he does not see me around. That just simply hurts. It is my duty to visit my mom each year now as her health is deteriorating. I love to be around my family in Vietnam as much I am with my family here in the U.S. Next year I hope we all can come back together so my heart can feel the true happiness ❤️